Unredeemable
by tecnagirl
Summary: After Riku realizes what he's done, he must keep himself from doing so again in the only way he thinks possible. Sora can't bear the loss. Rated for implied rape and suicide. Slight shounen-ai.


I had no idea I had this in me. I'm normally a very happy-happy person. This isn't meant to be a songfic, not based off a song, but I think Stars by t.A.T.u. was my muse and hung around all through this, so I stuck in a few lines at the end in thanks.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Stars. I just love them very much.

* * *

Riku stared at Sora, appalled at what he had done. Riku had done the unspeakable, tainted the light that used to be his best friend with his evil. How had he fallen this far? Riku felt a horrible sadness. As if his past crimes weren't enough… he was unredeemable. The glimmer of hope the boy had kept had flown away.

"Riku?" Sora's voice broke Riku out of his reverie. Sora still sounded so strong. Sora was a never-ending mystery to Riku- how could one person go through so much and still bounce right back?

At least, Riku thought he had bounced back, until the two boys' eyes met. Riku saw not the bright blue ocean he had often admired and found solace in, but stagnant seas, dead water. These eyes held no life.

Riku calmly reached over, undid the ties that held the spiky-haired brunet to the bed, retreated to the far side of the room, and broke down. Sliding to the floor, he stared at his hands, shoulders shaking with invisible sobs. He hated himself. Oh, how he hated himself.

He felt a warm arm wrap around his waist and flinched, shying away from the touch. When the arm persisted, he shouted at the Sora it belonged to. "I don't need your goddamned sympathy! Get away from me, you know what I've done! Don't give me this kindness when I don't deserve it… I don't… you know…" Riku's body was set upon by by more violent, inaudible sobbing.

* * *

"Yes," Sora replied softly, trying not to hurt Riku any farther; Sora was afraid he would break. Riku had hurt himself more than he hurt Sora, and Sora was scared for him. "I know." He held Riku until Riku's cries subsided.

Then he watched as Riku straightened himself out and glanced once more at Sora, opening the door to the balcony overlooking the alleyway. "Riku," he called one last time.

"Yes?" Riku refused to turn around to face his old friend.

"Promise me you won't hurt yourself. Please, promise me."

"I won't hurt myself. Don't you know I'm smarter than that?" Riku laughed bitterly. Then the door closed and he was gone. A wave of despair washed over Sora, the closing of the door bringing a fresh sting of betrayal- how many times would Riku leave him? Sora knew even if he chased after his friend, he would not be there. There would be yet another door. So he busied himself with getting dressed.

* * *

"Where have you been all day?" Leon asked.

"Training, playing with Pooh," Sora replied.

"You should have brought the menagerie with you." Leon said. "They got on _everybody's_ nerves. Aerith and Yuffie included."

"Donald and Goofy are two people. Is that really a menagerie?"

"They've let loose all the summons," a familiar perky voice said behind him. Sora jumped. Yuffie had gotten here when? He must really be out of it to not hear the door. "Sorry, Leon. I've decided to hide here now." She smiled, violet eyes twinkling. "Seriously, Sora, you have to keep your little buddies under control, okay? And in other news, guess who I saw I saw today? All hail great Finder Ninja Yuffie!" She blinked at Sora expectingly, daring him to guess.

It was Leon who spoke though. "That cloud guy you've been talking about? You can stay as long as long as you don't break anything." Yuffie was extremely agile and graceful during battle, but out of it, was the clumsiest ninja he had ever seen. Probably the clumsiest _person_ he had ever seen, except maybe Sora. Yuffie was special though. Especially to Leon; despite his many complaints, he liked her. He really, really liked her.

"I won't break anything. That vase was two months ago. And it wasn't Cloud, unfortunately for me. It was- ta-da!- Riku, the boy Sora knows." She stopped, waiting for the cheers that were her lifeblood. When only silence greeted her, she pouted. "Anyway, he was headed into the waterway. That wasn't too long ago; maybe he's still there."

"Okay. I'm going to go check it out. Thanks, Yuffie," Sora said. He didn't think Riku would want to talk to him, but it was worth a try to communicate. Sora still valued him, his own silveret fallen angel, an angel he had known ever since they both could remember. So he would do anything he could to get Riku back.

* * *

He was not expecting this. He could not, his light-filled heart could never, anticipate something like this. Riku lay on the ground, in a pool of his own crimson blood, which ran in a small stream to cloud the normally clear spring water of the waterway. Completely lifeless. Souleater still shone, a stained red light. His aquamarine eyes were closed, and never again to open. Really and truly gone, shut the final door.

Sora fell to his knees, softly calling Riku's name, begging him, pleading him, his friend, his rival, his _love_, to come back to him, knowing that he can't, knowing that he won't. He traced the features of Riku's chest, his neck, his cheeks, his lips. Then he noticed a piece of paper, folded up and propped against the wall with a small clay pebble.

Sora crawled over to it, unfolded it, and cried harder. It wrote simply

**Forgive me my lie.**

**I will never tell another.**

**I'm sorry**

This time it was Sora's turn to break down, to cry, to sob, but there was no arm, no words, no comfort, no relief. His eyes darted to Riku's sword in his hand, imagining it in his own chest, while he faded, while he died. But he knew he couldn't. So many things to do, finding Kairi, the King, saving the worlds, destroying the heartless. So he couldn't, not now. Still Sora vowed to return to Riku. When the young swordsman was no longer needed, he would end it all, finally catch up to Riku, open the final door. He swore it.

Deep within him, the Keyblade cried.

_How did we ever get this far?_

_It shouldn't have to be this hard_

_Now for the first time in my life_

_I'm flying_


End file.
